Do you remember being a teenager? What things were
most important to you? Did you care about the things
your parents valued?

Parenting teens can be a fun and memorable part of
raising kids. So many parents and teens that I meet
are just not having a good time with each other.

Here are just a few of the tips I have used and
taught folks. I am committed to helping parents find
and express the love and appreciation they have for
their almost adult family members.

• First, decide that you like teens and plan to
  have a positive relationship with them.
• Leave room for them to be experimenting and
  finding out who they are. Remind yourself that they
  are still growing and changing.
• Reframe their “rebellion” in positive terms such
  as, individuation and exploration of values.
• Make contact with some twenty somethings you
  like and ask them what they were like in their
  teens. Find out what they think is helpful.
• Let go of YOUR expectations and find out what is
  going on for them, their goals, challenges and
  dreams.
• Learn to empower teens to make changes in their
  lives. Get clear about the difference between
  empowering and enabling.

If you think your teen has a problem with substance
abuse, share your concern from a place of love and
caring. Don’t jump to conclusions out of fear. Spend
time with your teen talking and finding out about
their current challenges. Offer to be a listener and
then listen! Threats, ultimatums and traps don’t
build connection. Help troubled teens find ways to
help themselves without cutting off communication.
Offer and support treatment when appropriate. And
remember to take good care of yourself and nurture
your other relationships.

Remember that, when they come out the other side of
the challenges of adolescence, you want to have a
loving connection. Avoid the pitfalls of
dehumanizing them. Make sure the message of love
gets through! Remind yourself that we are all human
beings, deserving of dignity and respect.