Teaching Kids to Trust Their Emotions
One of the joys of parenting is teaching our kids to express themselves. When they are babies we teach them to name objects, people and experiences. We thrill to their responsiveness to language. One thing we know about language development is that we, kids and adults, learn receptively before we learn expressively. What that means is that we understand language long before we use it.
What does this have to do with feelings? Well, we have a wonderful world of emotions in our experience of the world. As parents, we are responsible for teaching children about their feelings. When we help kids to know that the experience they are having can be described, named and learned from, we are giving them one of the most valuable tools they have available to them as human beings. Validating feelings gives children a feeling vocabulary.
Our feelings give us information. They help us to know what we don’t want and what we DO want. As parents we may be guilty of trying to talk our kids out of their feelings.
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June 16, 2008
How to be an example to your kids – “Do as I say, not as I do?”
How to Be an Example
“Do as I say, not as I do”
Have you seen any adults telling their kids to do something, then modeling something else? Some are obvious, like the parent who uses substances, legal or otherwise, and tells their kids not to.
Not so obvious, is when we tell our child “apologize to Suzie”, when we never admit to being at fault and haven’t even checked in to see if there is a more meaningful way to intervene.
I was visiting a friend when our boys were small. The neighbors’ child hit one of the other children and I watched as his father showed up from next door and dragged his son home, spanking him as he yelled “We Don’t Hit!”. What’s wrong with this picture?
What message do you think this child will be getting at a deep level?
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June 10, 2008
Building Your Parenting Tool Box
Being a great parent isn’t something that you usually get much appreciation for! As a parent of a teen and a 21 year old, I can say that having a great tool box has made parenting more rewarding. I know I have done my best and can continue to be encouraging as my kids move into adulthood.
Would you like to improve your performance as a parent? Here are a few tips from my article:
20 TOOLS FOR BUILDING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
- Instead of saying what you don’t want, politely request the behavior you DO desire.
- Take time for training! Teach the skills needed to get the behavior you desire–remember to do this one step at a time.
- Try an “I statement” to express your feelings in a positive way.
- Use your sense of humor–maybe a laugh would break the tension!
- Utilize What, Why and How questions that avoid blame and shame.
- Redirect the child’s NEED to a different, more acceptable activity.
- Structure reasonable, respectful, and related logical consequences with the child BEFORE the misbehavior occurs, if possible.
- Plan ahead. Hold a family meeting.
For a complete list of tips, read my special report:
20 Tips For Building Effective Relationships with Kids
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